Monday, November 02, 2009

100 Squeaks [list no.3]

100 Squeaks

01. A mouse caught in a trap
02. A rusty hinge on the cookie jar
03. Three month old Greek cheese
04. Fresh green beans on your teeth
05. Chewing a Styrofoam cup
06. Smashing a mosquito in your ear
07. Flossing with celery string
08. Unscrewing the top of a jar of pickles
09. Slipping on a wet floor at the supermarket
10. Blowing your nose with a plugged Eustachian tube
11. Just after dropping a sack on concrete on the bed
12. Chasing a chipmunk
13. The noise in my front hall when the furnace goes on.
14. Walking on the hardwood floor in an old house
15. Squeezing a vole between two slices of bread
16. Sliding a wet haddock under the door
17. Pushing an inflated condom in the letter box
18. A nudist sliding down some greasy banisters
19. A narrow one when the train nearly hits the level crossing
20. A rabbit confronted by a ferret
21. Little piggy sitting on lap in game of the same name
22. Changing from an F barred chord to a barred B flat on guitar.
23. Bare feet on wet glass-topped table...
24. The plumber fiddling with a loose tap
25. Joe Pasquale being confronted by a 20 stone burglar.
26. Mother owl feeding her chicks popcorn
27. Cleaning your teeth with a new electric tooth brush
28. New brakes from Harvey's of Northwich.
29. The vacuum cleaner rolling around the floor
30. Accidentally stepping on my puppy's little paw when we are chasing each other around the house
31. The way that a friend of mine used to sneeze
32. A blade of grass blown be-tween your thumbs
33. A severe bout of tinnitus
34. A pair of tight fitting rubber trousers
35. The only thing left of a pig once the butcher got finished with him.
36. Plucking a tail feather from a robin
37. Plucking a tailpipe from a Robin Reliant
38. Plucking a loose hair from Robin's chin
39. Blowing your nose on a wax hankerchief
40. Skiing down Northwich High Street
41. Pushing an oily pram along the pier
42. The first three letters of SQUALL and the last four of BEAKS
43. Delighted bimbo at a premiere
44. A hamster under foot
45. A soprano removing her bra
46. A ball being caught by a dog
47. Squishing a rubber hamburger
48. The hinges of my mail box
49. Surprise pushing the air out of one's lungs.
50. The black shoes of an under-taker whose toupee is on crooked.
50. A ghost pacing in the attic.
52. A new leather jacket
53. A new iPhone 3G if slightly squeezed
54. The steps on a wooden stair-case
55. The window cleaner outside the high rise office building in the
movie Matrix
56. Tennis shoes on a basket ball court
57. A child swinging on a rope swing as it squeezes against the branch
under the child's weight
58. A sewer worker steps down into the dark
59. The dentist pushes you back into the comfy chair
60. The condom tester finds a dud
61. Tight fitting rubber jock strap
62. Peeling an elastoplast off a wet balloon
63. One of those party favours
64. Doing the washing up with pink gloves on
65. Nancy Sinatra walking in her boots
66. Sticking down glossy photos onto card and smoothing them out
67. Scraping ice off my skis before skiing down the Matterhorn
68. The noise the skis make sliding down the Matterhorn
69. The noise I make as I fly though the air after leaving the Matterhorn
64. A rhyme for streak
65. A rhyme for antique
67. A rhyme for Mozambique
70. The noise scraping Michael off of the ice at the Matterhorn
71. The noise of the ambulance bouncing on the ice.
72. The noise of the gurney carry-ing Michael in the emergency room.
68. A rhyme for tweak your beak
69. A rhyme for critique your sneaky clique
70. The meek may utter this sound?
71. It's those floorboards again!
72. New lino being polished
73. Flossing with twine
71. It's those floorboards again!
72. New lino being polished
73. The bed next door in a motel by the freeway with the freight train
running by.
74. Wilfred having a dream (our pet hamster).
75. Cleaning bird poo off your Nissan Micra with a sponge.
76. The old desk chair.
77. My bad knee.
78. Computer Scoot.
79. A gummy baby chewing a rub-ber duck
80. A snail sliding down a post box
81. Biting into a cake made of polystyrene
82. Walking with rubber boots on a marble floor
83. 17 springs of an old mattress while making love
84. The hinges of my office door
85. Fingers on a greasy blackboard
85. A ferret down your trousers
86. Too much starch in those shirts
87. Anagram - Ska Que's
88. Acronym - Society for Ques-tionable Unlimited Exercises And Kite
89. New wind screen wipers
90. A misjudged step at a swim-ming pool
91. Wet rag on glass eyeball.
92. An elasticated stocking being rolled
93. A castrato in a lift
94. Mickey Mouse in a trap
95. The sound of my brass cowboy belt buckle as my pants hit the floor
96. A bird hitting my window at 7 a.m.
97. Un-oiled toilet lid.
98. A mouse stepped on by a terri-fied elephant.
99. An alien being serenaded by a fish.
100. Reaching one hundred and cheering with laryngitis.

List by Michael Leigh with Roger Ste-vens, John M. Bennett, Allan Revich, Bibiana Padilla Maltos, Hazel Jones, Cecil Touchon, Don Boyd, Reid Wood, Dawg and Keith Buchholz.

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