Monday, November 09, 2009



1. chocolate pudding with mint cool whip
2. Ants on a log
3. Lime green jello with mini marshmallows
4. Apple Betty
5. Mayonnaise cake
6. Upside down pineapple cake
7. Cinnamon toast made in the broiler
8. Apple crisp
9. pancakes and sausages
10. Far i kol
11. lobscouse
12. fattigman
13. Berliner kranzer
14. torsk
15. sild
16. potet klub
17. eggedosis
18. thin pancakes
19. karbonadekaker
20. kjotbollar
19. baby catjap with oosterse groenten
20. boerenkopfstamppot
21. Sugar puff slab
22. Rice Crispy Crunch
21. Flowereyes with ham & kaas
22. pasta fluxonara with bacon & worms
23. baby catjap with oosterse groenten
24. boerenkopfstamppot
25. Flowereyes with ham & kaas
26. pasta fluxonara with bacon & worms
26. Mushedroomsrisotto with knopflochgarnalen
27. rotkohleintopf with asbestfilet
28. Cocoa Pops Brittle
29. Cornflake Toffee Wedges
30. Barf on a biscuit
31. Peas in slime
32. Brickish meatloaf
33. Plea soup with ham
34. Shit on a shingle
35. mashed potato volcanoes with butter in the middle
36. blood soup
37. pickled pigs feet
38. Monkey Bread
39. S.O.S.
40. Chicken Feet
41. Frog Legs
42. Texas Cake
43. Mountain Oysters
44. Bitter pills
45. Creamed potatoes
46. Pot roast and gravy
47. Steak-Ums
48. Oliebollen
49. fried spam topped with cheese whiz and tater tots
50. Flanken
51. Lasagne
52. Chicken fricassee with meatballs
53. Roast beef brisket
54. Cabbage borscht
55. Meat and Potatoes
56. More Meat and Potatoes
57. Meat and Potatoes for dessert
58. Shreddies Fudge Surprise
59. Rice Crispy Syrup Pie
60. Fired wurst and egg omelette
61. Scrambled eggs and strawberry jam
62. Dry rump roast with mushy carrots and lumpy potatoes
63. Liver and other organs in brain gravy
64. Froze n fried chicken
65. Raw egg milkshake
66. Canned meats, Gov't cheese.
67. shark surprise
68. government cheese casserole
69. what i called "luncheon with schwunschun"--tomato soup and a
cheese sandwich
70. brei (german oatmeal when we lived there)
71. potato pancakes (again in germany)
72. cassoulet
73. poulet basque
74. rice and beans
75. couscous with tomatos and green onions
76. ham with boston baked beans
77. cheese and garlic sandwiches
78. bread with schmeerkase (Bacon or chicken fat spread on the bread)
79. apple butter & bread (made at home)
80. peanut butter on apple slices
81. quebecois style pea soup (yellow split peas with ham bone)
82. boudin (quebecois blood sausage)
83. bosc pears with soft cheese
84. goat cheese sprinkled on bread with dash of pepper and oil
85. dog bone soup--broth from bones with dried bread chunks
86. freshblackberries by the huge basket load i picked at a place i
found in an opening in the woods where the powerlines came from quebec
87. with homemade yogurt
88. watercress sandwiches
89. asparagus dipped in butter
90. dandelion salad
91. black bread grainy as wood chunks with butter
92. ratatouille (sp)
93. fresh rabbit with mushrooms
94. rhubarb sald
95. fruit and brandy compotes made in summer to marinate until winter
96. goat meat with "goat's head soup"
97. pasta soup with cottage cheese (or ricotta cheese)
98. corn cake
99. beets with home made lime dressing
100. lime cake

madawg 1, 49, 67-68
mIEKAL aND 2-4, 55-57 24-26,
Cecil Touchon 5-9
Ann Klefstad 10-20
Michael Leigh 21-22, 28-29, 58-59
Litsa Spathi 23-27
John M. Bennett 30-34
Carol Starr 35-37
Keith Buchholtz 38-43
Melissa McCarthy 44-46
james@...thepronoblem 47
Roger Stevens 48
Michael Leigh 27-28,
Allen Revich 50-54, 60-61
Keri Marion 62-66
David Baptiste Chirot 69-96
Bibiana Padilla Maltos 97-100

Thursday, November 05, 2009

100 Imaginary Countries [list no. 10]

100 Imaginary Countries

1. The Autonomous Republic of Qazingulaza
2. Lessor Mojo Islands
3. Fluxonia
4. Democratic Republic of West Quasiland
5. United States of America
6. The Empire of Art Gone Awry
7. Côte d'étain
8. Crypterland
9. Japafrica
10. Afripan
11. Germarance
12. Framany
13. Holeland
14. The Netherholes
15. Annarchy
16. Gordonia, adorned with many glenns.
17. Viridiana
18. A Country for Old Men
19. Viragoland (just across the spit)
20. Suburbino
21. Fluxistan
22. Planetania
23. Terraforma
24. Applestan
25. Royal Irates
26. Beertopia
27. Penguin IslaND
28. Kingdom of Bababel
29. Ethereal Realm of Superstitious Claptrap
30. Tenguslavik
31. Rarodask
32. United Stampic Ways
33. This Place Right Here
34. Bushitstan
35. NeoNeoLand
36. Zaumtangnique
37. Vowelhenge
38. Kruschevica
39. Coca Colada
40. Animositia
41. Inanimatestan
42. Walkalot
43. Dadanmark
44. Tanaslia
45. Touchonistan
46. Revichlovakia
47. Padillamaltosivia
48. Woodlandia
49. Stevensonia
50. Leighladesh
51. Klefstadishland
52. Cecilovia
53. Allantia
54. The Bennett Islands
55. Miekaland
56. We're Here
57. Preciousland
58. The Land of Me
59. Big Eyeball Islands
60. Small Chinland
61. Large Toothovia
62. Lower Earlobia
63. Kruschevica
64. Coca Colada
65. Animositia
66. Inanimatestan
67. Alt
68. United People's Democratic Republic
69. Dave, the Country
70. Getout
71. The Imperial Flyspeck of Disinheritance
72. Oflantis
73. Land Without Art
74. Makepeace
75. Woozingia
76. Krazikatistan
77. North Courier
78. United Ephemeral Islands
79. enumeratia
80. District of Bongo
81. Perforatium
82. notkansasia
83. fluxador
84. Tictloctlan
85. Toestubatlan
86. Ululatlan
87. Ohio
88. Vetovia
89. Nullandia
90. Voidovoide
91. Nichtslande
92. Naut
93. Say'Ro
94. Iluvalartlander
95. Floridada
96. Beantown
97. Lloyds Islands
98. Gina Lotta Cay
99. The Democratic Republic of Nothing Special
100: Fluxenstein

mIEKAL aND 1,5,6,27-29, 35-37
madawg 2
Allan Revich 3-4,21-26,38- 41
Andrew Riley Clark 7-8,67-70
Michael Leigh 9-14, 59-62
Ann Klefstad 15-20,34,
bibiana padilla maltos 30-32,42-44
Reid Wood 33
Cecil Touchon 45-55
Roger Stevens 56-58
Melissa McCarthy 75-78
Keith Buchholz 79-83
John M. Bennett 84-87
John Moore Williams 88-93
Ginny Lloyd 94-98
Allan Revich 99-100

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Climbing Aboard

Hi, everyone. Just hopping on the Fluxnexus bus.

100 BANGS [list no.9]


1. Car door slamming in a walled cul-de-sac.
2. Frozen chicken falling on marble tiled floor.
3. A bollard being hit by pedestrian with a wet haddock
4. Cash register falling down a mine shaft
5. A big slap from a friendly hippo
6. Dropping a monkey wrench on a walnut whip.
4. Supersonic Jet
5. The table collapsing as the glue wasn't quite dry on the fixed leg.
6. A tennis ball in a microwave
7. Over-inflated zeppelin on the point of Chatres Cathedral
8. A knee joint suddenly put under pressure.
9. A sack of horseshoes colliding with a trolleybus.
10. A block of frozen urine dropped from a Boeing 707 landing on the M25
11. Casio battery-operated keyboard accidentally plugged into the mains
12. A manhole cover replaced incorrectly and subsequently being driven over by a Ford Mondeo.
13. Quasimodo using his face for a clapper.
14. One percussion cap under the Nazi jackboot.
15. A frog has inhaled too much marsh gas.
16. A hand grenade in the 17th hole
17. A jet-assisted supersonic skateboarder
18. The last note of a Ginger Baker drum solo.
19. Self becoming non-self.
20. Mud thrown on a stone wall
21. Toilet seat falling down at 3 in the morning
22. The starting pistol for the Fluxus Olympics
23. Yoko Ono hitting a nail into a chess piece with her shoe
24. Yoko Ono hitting an imaginary chess piece with an imaginary shoe.
25. Bob the Builder and Harry the Hippo pulling a Christmas Cracker
26. The sound of one hand clapping 100 times
27. Ron Jeremy with Candie Evens in Ron Jeremy Screws the Stars
28. Ron Jeremy with Christy Canyon in Ron Jeremy Screws the Stars
29. Ron Jeremy with Janey Robbins in Ron Jeremy Screws the Stars
30. Ron Jeremy with Juliet Anderson in Ron Jeremy Screws the Stars
31. Ron Jeremy with Lisa De Leeuw in Ron Jeremy Screws the Stars
32. Ron Jeremy with Rhonda Jo Petty in Ron Jeremy Screws the Stars
33. Ron Jeremy with Shauna Grant in Ron Jeremy Screws the Stars
34. The slam of a shot of tequila on the table at Eastside Tavern
35. Gun shot into the open desert in Nevada
36. 100 hairs on my forehead
37. Lester's wooden leg explodes.
38. Rice Crispies magnified 100 times.
39. My bowling ball hitting the roof of my car 5 floors down
40. My hacking cough in the deep stairwell
41. My head hitting the edge of a stop sign while walking down the sidewalk.
42. The first nail going into the crucifix
43. The first atomic bomb lands on Japan
44. The last sad balloon at a child's party
45. Bucket landing in empty well
46. A bird scarer
47. Flash Gordon's ray gun gets caught in his underpants.
48. The mating call of the Dynamite Bird.
49. The Dynamite Bird lays a very large egg.
50. Kicking the dentist as he hits a raw nerve with his drill
51. The village blacksmith hits his thumb
52. Two peanuts in the Hadron collider
53. A Hadron collider entering a black hole
54. The Big Bang
55. A Bigger Bang
56. The even Bigger Bang
57. The really, really Ginormous Bang
58. A ripe sausage (with beans)
59. A really tiny bang
60. The big ends going
61. The small ends going
62. Chitty Chitty Bang (the second Bang has been removed for the sake of homogeny.)
63. Day Trip to Bang (the or has been removed for the sake of conformity)
64. Bang (My Lover Shot Me Down) (the second Bang has been removed for the sake of this continuing joke)
65. De klap (Dutch )
66. Le peureux (French )
67. Ein knall (German)
68. Boiled sweet ejected from throat thanks to Heimlich Manoeuvre
69. Firework inside an Airfix model of Spitfire
70. First salvo of the battle of the Somme.
71. A conker falling on the dog's kennel.
72. An incalcitrant computer, a head and a brick wall.
73. The end of a long fizz
74. A cracker pulled by two elves
75. A car back firing going up a steep hill
76. The clowns car explodes at the circus
77. One of those things that looks like a bomb you have as a kid and put a cap in and then throw up in the air
78. Two ball bearings in a game of marbles
79. The first four letters of a bangle
80. The first letter and the last three of a boomerang
81. Big Bertha recoils
82. Anagram - NB sag
83. Acronym for British Artists National Gurning Society
84. SGNAB backwards
85. Kite flying into electricity pylon
86. Falling out of bed
87. A trick cigar in a lift
88. Getting lucky in Hong Kong
89. Falling out of bed again
90. A high five made by robots
91. A slam dunk
92. Large Pablo Picasso art books on Cubism falling from a shelf
93. A child falling from her first ride on a bicycle
94. A wide-eyed child running over her father on her second ride on a bicycle down a hill
95. An empty skillet on a high flame
96. Ice cubes in smoking hot oil
97. Tripping while running out of a house while watching a football game on a stolen color television still plugged in.
98. A shooting star falling through the roof of your house
99. A bird flying into a closed window trying to catch a gummy worm hanging from a string
100. A punch in the nose from an iron fist no longer in it’s velvet glove.

Michael Leigh with Roger Stevens with Peter Ciccariello, Don Boyd, Reid Wood, Allan Revich, Dawg, John M. Bennett, Cecil Touchon

100 SQUANGS [list no. 8]


1. A gooseberry in a lift
2. Three Chinese men in a cobbler’s shop
3. A puddle of green liquid being sniffed by an aardvark
4. A cup of spit falling down the steps
5. Asleep with face pressed against the wall
6. Blood drying beneath the fridge
7. The skin off a rice pudding hovering in mid-air.
8. Final demand from the Electric Flange Company
9. Rolling under the settee and collecting all the fluff.
7. Alice! Alice! You can come out now.
8. The marble that rolled beneath the sofa.
9. A wind chime on a hangover.
12. The faint trail of a pork pie
13. Misted-up dentures
14. The smell of a corncrake in the morning
15. Gravy granules grilling on a gravestone
16. Hairy fish flapping in the window sill
17. The grey plume of fog over a pie crust
18 A cup of coffee picked up and put down again in exactly the same place but with the handle facing a different way.
19. Slowly stroking my shiny lap fish
20. Drinking a cup of sand and beer
21. Flattening my shoes under the mattress
22. Looking through a blancmange window.
23. Whittling a beard on horse back
24. The slightest hint of a duck-filled fatty bush.
25. Trying to nail a fried egg to the wall
26. Sitting pant-less for an hour in a large bowl of rice
27. Shaking the noodles out of your hair
28. Arriving at the theatre early and waiting for Waiting for Godot.
29. Finding an abandoned door number in the street.
30. Finding a six-fingered glove on a railing.
31. Flying into Los Angeles carrying a couple of keys
32. Baking brownies in the hot summer sun under a tattered sombrero
33. Loving every minute of it
34. Juggling a jelly on the end of a frozen eel
35. A nut of a gate stump
36. Rhubarb bent forward and then back.
37. An absence of 38s
39. The coffee cup ring that you missed when you cleaned the bedside table.
40. The anniversary of a first parking ticket
41. Your unreliable trousers
42. My collection of tiny widgets
43. The hair of the dog that bit you
44. The light falling on a smoking hairdryer
45. A squirrel burying his nuts with a shovel
46. The hiss of a unfriendly sock
47. A filbert rolling under a sideboard
48. Grey sludge gathered after a long dribble
49. A grey filbert gathered after a long sideboard
50. The last hurrah!
51. Plectrum made of argon
52. A floating anvil over a Cornish pasty.
53. Three gullible rotating ferrets
54. Dog grunting in a bucket
55. Ripe banana shoved into a hose
56. Bathtub filled with cucumbers
54. A go-carting guillemot in a precinct
55. A pike of rotating rubbish
56. A sturgeon performing a tracheotomy
57. A moose on the loose in a roofless caboose
58. The shadow of an ailing pine
59. An art-broken artist from the East End of London
60. Flapping a hairdresser with a frozen halibut
61. Flipping a barber with a claustrophobic weasel
62. Finding a filleted Faberge Egg in your turn ups of your dungarees
63. Arguing with the August Agency for Alliteration
64. Scratching a itch card with some pork scratchings
64. Sewing a shoe on your cheek
65. Showing a sore to your soup
66. Sending a slug to your sister
65. Aluminium foil on a filling.
67. Grinding grey gravel into a grocer's gravy
68. Hitting a boiled beetroot into jaws of a bucolic whale
69. A crackle of a Gilbert
70. Big horse I love you
71. Fan me with a kipper
72 Wednesday - You are always on my mind.
73. Quang, defined
74. No flies on my double glazing
75. Corripe Cervisiam
76. Stercus accidit
77. A toppling Yoda
78. A squidgy birthright
79. Ten random words lost in a thimble.
80. Time randomly spent
81. A spent force.
82. Small hippo, you’re okay
83. A take it or leave it egg plant
84. More nonsense than you can shake a halibut at.
85. The whey through the porridge.
86. An unquoted number
87. A peach on trial
88. A copper bottomed train set.
89. Greeting a pirate with a handy fret saw.
90. Gargling with blancmange.
91. The dimple on a golf ball on a dumper truck
92. The smell of cheese and Mortimer.
93. Graded grains make finer soot
94. You are never alone with a strain.
95. Combine all your essential fatty acid houses.
96. Buy one - get one for treacle sponge day.
97. Giraffes hoolah-hooping and coughing
98. You have been quangled
99. P-p-p-p-pick up a pensioner
100. Grill me baby- eight to the barstool

Michael Leigh, Roger Stevens, John M. Bennett, Allan Revich, Melissa McCarthy

100 QUIZ ANSWERS [list no.7]


1. The hairy hand of the albino poet
2. Not when the train is standing in the station
3. Blue, orange, and peachy with a hint of mint
4. Once, but I was drunk
5. Never on a Sunday
6. One is the loneliest number
7. Jim was the fastest
8. 263 mph
9. Neither. It was a trick question.
10. Covered in brown sludge and then fired from a cannon
11. 560 pounds dripping wet
12. Two feet below a bishop and four feet across the buttocks
13. When there's a bee in the month. (Geddit?)
14. Blairgowrie, Abernethy and Scone
15. The Broughty Ferry
16. In a motel by a freeway with a freight train coming by every half hour
17. Tijuana
18. In a flat in San Francisco. I have no excuse of being young
19. Yes
20. No
21. No. (Well, maybe)
22. Six miles south of Samarkand, take a left.
23 When the moon is in the seventh house.
24 A bulbul.
22. John 3:16
23. The 3:16 to Schenectady, change at Yonkers
24. Colonel Mustard in the Conservatory with the Lead Pipe
25 3 divided by 16
26 It can't be done
27 They would meet in the tunnel
28. Got the wrong directions.
29. Not for you
30. Absolutely nothing
31. The wrong hand
32. A Judas kiss
33. A skunk wrapped in an old sock
34. Behind the barn
35. Behind the back of beyond.
36. Down by the Oh Hi O.
37. Hard to swallow
38. A nod, a wink and blind bat
39. Jelly, custard and sponge fingers
40. 34 double-decker buses
41. His uncle's mother's sister's brother
42. ...try and try again
43. Jim was the fastest.
44. Neither. It was a trick question.
45. A trilby, a conch and a trampoline
46. Red with tassles
47. Underneath the arches
48. The Famous Mystery Spot
49. Two little boys
50. Nailed to the shed
51. None of the above.
52. That was no lady, that was my wife.
53. Slightly poached and green
54. Rubbery and smelling of treacle
55. One was shorter than the other
56. Neither; they are both going the same direction.
57. a) 4 times 3n squared over 7.9... b) The sum of all three sides.
58. The mongoose.
59 a) Moss b) Stones c) Bill Wyman
60. It depends whether she was conscious or not at the time.
61. To see his 'flat'-mate.
62. The older flipper first
63. Between two pieces of rye bread
64. Trombones, paper clips and saucepan lids
65. (B.) Because his name wasn't really Brian.
66. Both of them.
67. Miriam Margolyes refused point blank.
68. Twenty dollars
69. Never
70. Always two, they come in pairs.
71. 14 inches- fully extended
72. A cucumber, a Frisbee and a loofah
73. A nun on a trampoline
74. It was the hoodie crow.
75. Because the candle had been blown out.
76. An unevenly pigmented mole on the left buttock.
77. Only a gasp.
78. Just one time, but I was 20!
79. 38 times.
80. Titan
81. Tight Anne
82. A Thai tan
83. A Can-Can wanna-be girl
84. A donkey in Tijuana painted as a Zebra
85. A weird smell in the morning
86. Thursday at the latest.
87. Because I said so.
88. Why not? Everybody else does.
89. His uncle's mother's sister's brother
90 Crumbly with a fine dusting of silt
91. Wednesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays when there’s an "R" in the
92. Teachers, clowns, coaches and priests
93. Weekdays until 6, Saturday until 9, closed Sunday.
94. Three times a month and birthdays.
95. E-x-p-i-a-l-i-d-o-c-i-o-u-s
96. Cats. Lots of Cats!
97. Southern Illinois.
98. 1904.
99. A centipede with a wooden leg
100. See answers 1 to 99.

By Michael Leigh with Roger Stevens, Melissa McCarthy, Bibiana Padilla Maltos, Mdawg, Reid Wood, Ann Klefstad, Alan Bowman, Jonah Hex, Keith Buchholz, Allan Revich


222. Oops, remember, please.
233. Oops, reorder, please.
234. Oops, reconsider, please.
14a Yes, that would be me.
15a Not all the time

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

100 Excuses to Postpone Work‏ [list no.6]

100 excuses to postpone work‏

1. Not having coffee
2. Feel sleepy
3. Feel cold
4. Feel hot
5. Not having breakfast
6. Sobriety
7. Aphasia
8. Attitude
9. Pencil chasing
10. Serendipity
11. Not having a job
12. Wrong lunar phase.
13. Wind NNW instead of ESE
14. One word: abduction
15. Dog ate my home.
16. Bad hair day.
17. Bad hare day.
18. Wind NNE instead of SW
19. Conscription
20. Fear Of Nothing
21. Fear of the wind
22. The Ottoman Empire.
23. Klingon translation device malfunctioned.
24. Art is a poor excuse for chocolate.
25. I've never been so insulted.
26. Brad Pitt day
27. Too windy
28. Fear of the word of.
29. Don't know where to start
30. Don't know at what to arrive
31. Flat bread day
32. Not enough wind
33. Waiting on everyone else
34. Forgot
35. Fear of.
36. Dropped my nose plugs
37. The shape of that quivering ball
38. Held on to my hair too long
39. Was drooling under the desk
40. Saw a French fry on the car seat
41. Needed cash
42. Pancreas prolapsed
43. The fungus was hungry
44. The HTML was unfavorable that day
45. Total-body catastrophe
46. A Noodle got stuck
47. Place of work burned down
48. Clothes smelling of gasoline (so those across the pond will understand) arouses police suspicion
49. Waking up in the wrong language.
50. Died
51. Accident in trouser department
52. It’s Saturday
53. A small meteorite fell on my head.
54. For religious reasons.
55. Bus strike
56. Leaves on the line
57. Varieties
58. I get picked on
59. I get ignored
60. I said, I get ignored!
61. Why is no one listening to me?
62. The bridge is closed.
63. My DSL is down
64. I found 3 gray hairs today!
65. I'm out of chocolate
66. Need to walk the dog
67. My hand hurts
68. My soap is on
69. Need my bubble bath first
70. I feel sick
71. Mercury is in retrograde
72. I found three grey hares today. They said, "Don't go to work!"
73. My dog died.
74. Had to bury the dog.
75. Broke my nail. Drats!
76. Just had a manicure
77. It's a really bad Mercury in retrograde day.
78. Outsourced to fake fluxus artists.
79. The distinctions between work & play are not clear to me.
80. I am principles.
81. Too much work to work.
82. I wasn't trained properly.
83. This list is in retrograde
84. I don't know what I'm doing.
85. I thought you were going to do it
86. Who gives a shit?
87. My computer got a virus
88. Once my computer was better, I got a virus
89. Passing wind, trousers smell like gas if you know what I mean
90. Cat anxiety
91. Flash flood
92. There are Leaves out there.
93. Something smells funny.
94. Remember what happened to Custer.
95. Must Burn Something.
96. Have to dance.
97. Fell down a bottomless pit
98. Fell into a trance
99. Fell flat on my pants
100.Fell into a dance

Kieth Buchholz, Melissa McCarthy,
Tamara Wyndham, Cecil Touchon, John M. Bennett,
John Moore Williams, Alan Bowman, Roger Stevens,
Ginny Lloyd, Cecil Touchon, Michael Leigh

Monday, November 02, 2009

100 Objects for a Fluxbox (for George Maciunas) [list no. 5]

100 Objects for a Fluxbox (for George Maciunas)

1 - a die for casting
2 - a small labeled bottle with dropper
3 - a lock of hair
4 - an old glass marble
5 - a tourist collector's spoon from somewhere
6 - a whistle
7 - ein Fledermaus-Haar
8 - eine Augenklappe mit Gummiband
9 - eine Handvoll Heimaterde
10 - ein Sesambrötchen
11 - eine kleine Flasche Wein
12 - eine Messerspitze Glück
13 - einen Teelöffel Hoffnung
14 - eine Brise Zukunft
15. a hundred small objects
16. the hair of the dawg that bit you
17. pencil shavings
18. chewed gum
19. parking tickets
20. a holy medal
21. rusted bolt
22. the bone of a saint
23. hearing aid
24. burned love letters
25. forgiveness
26-ena skordo
27-ena kremidi
28-ena ikario ftero
29-ena psari
30-mia flojera
31-ena oniro
32-ena karavi
33-ena partheno dakri
34. a thimbleful of gravel
35. grays collected from friends.
36. fingernail clippings
37. lost screws
38. used dental floss
39. champagne corks
40. pencil shavings
41. tin can lid with "unit" written on it
42- einen Heidelberger Studentenkuss
43- einen Bierdeckel (von der Brauerei Schlossquell Heidelberg)
44- einen Gratis-Parkschein für den Marktplatz Heidelberg
45- ein Blatt vom Hortus Palatinus
46- ein Photo von der Alten Búecke in Heidelberg
47. a shredded weight
48. a corn plaster
49 a toasted tea towel
50. a deep fried pen
51. a roasted button
52. a frozen thread
53. a carmelized piece of paper
54. an electric pickle extractor
55. a hand torn piece of paper with nothing special drawn on it
56. a red circle with nothing in it
57. an email from allan with nothing special on it.
58. 8oz of noise, canned
59. 10lbs of silence, wrapped in cellophane
60. one tortilla
61. a year's worth of pocket lint
62. a toothbrush with the bristles burnt off
63. ham salad in a tube
64. the negative from your last polaroid
65 A list of instructions called How To Follow Instructions
66 A seagull's shadow
67 Instructions for crows
68 Things best left unimagined
69 A distorted truth
70. a distorted tooth
71. some zen
72. hannah wilke's gum
73. thimble
74. pipe cleaners
75. hershey bar
76. blank piece of paper no larger that 7 cm. in any dimension, must be hand
torn at all edges
77. nothing special
78. A fossilised fez
79. A cat named Des
80. A roaming candle
81. Catherine's will
82. metro tickets from strangers
83. taxi notes
84. bus stop routes
85. car filters
86. a map from India
87. a pink pen
88. a dried tea bag
89. a coffee filter with coffee in it
90. a spider's web
91. A Flux-TV Guide
92. A Pox Upon a Time
93. An infinite series of consecutive numbers that rhyme
94. A spinning planet without George Brecht
95. The letter H spelled out in longhand
96. Things Ben Vautier forgot to sign
97. some doodles
98. some noodles
99. a stamp
100. an object from a drawer

100 Words You Never Heard Of [list no. 4]

100 Words You Never Heard Of

1 - blibblegobbydunger
2 - froppenflibliflober
3 - skippiddizisizl
4 - hivizimlabuuben
5 - kightiadusterbum
6 - ciansizzeroblam
7 - zuuperzumblerobbadobin
8 - troppolopomopotroostumblegrubbin
9 - quianerblscowibbernogel
10 - shusushushichucklestopherson
11 - allegrocidal
12 - erectilismical
13 - thirstamaniacalic
14 - germanophobicide
15 - lactoviscosititty
16 - triumphicacial
17 – educorrespondia
18 – antineodonglismistical
19 – aspiraktaleconaglist
20 - transfunctionactriconic
21 – suprecalafragalisticexpialadociousting
22 – spusticrasperationalislimed
23 – anti-raspisepticslugglefrup
24 - noaker
25 - masdanactic
26 - quentorid
27 - meastmer
28 - struntno
29 - shoodterk
30 - grondormoost
31 - grankac
32 - soont
33 - blundormute
34 - beerdoluscious
35 - masterbasculine
36 - driversity
37 - protocartisimal
38 - dormantalism
39 - cretickalicity
40 - gourdreduxed
41 - Bankencrisioogst
42 - Biechtautohollowayrange
43 - Bosbankmilliadeninjectie
44 - BlauweDNADouchecode
45 - Fietsbaddypensionados's
46 - Gastroseksueeltrendbox
47 - Horroropa
48 - Hilarisschkomverbod
49 - Hyperouders
50 - Lokohomolokotiener
51 - Asomondterrer
52 - Obamaniacalvinist
53 - Onderbroekdouche
54 - Paktakspatatjes
55 - Schaamhaarpolitie
56 - Schoffelweigeraar
57 - Seniorenfile
58 - Wiettoptopwiet
59 - Duyvendakken
60 - Raracontraopuntia
61 – Libbiddylobbodylushenberger
62 – isterabalindbinhaaber
63 – MAbqulupdAM
64 – puqlbodlpuq
65 – miupodlibodilboquim
66 – oupdIHIbquo
67 – izObquupdOsi
68 - chambohoenk
69 - sobbanatdor
70 - breendopork
71 - acalactico
72 - sobmasoonda
73 - yeekeneric
73 - chewtlomb
74 - lomapuldendo
75 - huitzilomagdenk
76 – fondoxipento
77 – piffilfloberistascaliwe
78 – kylostuvorplesopstien
79 – Londristaporicablenic
80 – lippibbiddique
81 – fraphiphluperropple
82 - choichopchumplump
83 – phipherphropplephracken
84 – Parripbuiscahupher
85 – Oystopnoimchurster
86 – Rumpliraspobrust
87 – Chapperzonicruph
88 - Eurgoiyptoliptic
89 – Ychappayorchskulvin
90 – Ronscopoblihumpo
91 - Overfluxdosis
92 - Tollerantiefax
93 - Gewichtsprototype
94 - Evenwichtsbegeleiding
95 - charismatisticolera
96 - Scarydophorme
97 - Pasguetti
98 - Periosdico
99 - exposivilodonski
100 - cabulous

100 Squeaks [list no.3]

100 Squeaks

01. A mouse caught in a trap
02. A rusty hinge on the cookie jar
03. Three month old Greek cheese
04. Fresh green beans on your teeth
05. Chewing a Styrofoam cup
06. Smashing a mosquito in your ear
07. Flossing with celery string
08. Unscrewing the top of a jar of pickles
09. Slipping on a wet floor at the supermarket
10. Blowing your nose with a plugged Eustachian tube
11. Just after dropping a sack on concrete on the bed
12. Chasing a chipmunk
13. The noise in my front hall when the furnace goes on.
14. Walking on the hardwood floor in an old house
15. Squeezing a vole between two slices of bread
16. Sliding a wet haddock under the door
17. Pushing an inflated condom in the letter box
18. A nudist sliding down some greasy banisters
19. A narrow one when the train nearly hits the level crossing
20. A rabbit confronted by a ferret
21. Little piggy sitting on lap in game of the same name
22. Changing from an F barred chord to a barred B flat on guitar.
23. Bare feet on wet glass-topped table...
24. The plumber fiddling with a loose tap
25. Joe Pasquale being confronted by a 20 stone burglar.
26. Mother owl feeding her chicks popcorn
27. Cleaning your teeth with a new electric tooth brush
28. New brakes from Harvey's of Northwich.
29. The vacuum cleaner rolling around the floor
30. Accidentally stepping on my puppy's little paw when we are chasing each other around the house
31. The way that a friend of mine used to sneeze
32. A blade of grass blown be-tween your thumbs
33. A severe bout of tinnitus
34. A pair of tight fitting rubber trousers
35. The only thing left of a pig once the butcher got finished with him.
36. Plucking a tail feather from a robin
37. Plucking a tailpipe from a Robin Reliant
38. Plucking a loose hair from Robin's chin
39. Blowing your nose on a wax hankerchief
40. Skiing down Northwich High Street
41. Pushing an oily pram along the pier
42. The first three letters of SQUALL and the last four of BEAKS
43. Delighted bimbo at a premiere
44. A hamster under foot
45. A soprano removing her bra
46. A ball being caught by a dog
47. Squishing a rubber hamburger
48. The hinges of my mail box
49. Surprise pushing the air out of one's lungs.
50. The black shoes of an under-taker whose toupee is on crooked.
50. A ghost pacing in the attic.
52. A new leather jacket
53. A new iPhone 3G if slightly squeezed
54. The steps on a wooden stair-case
55. The window cleaner outside the high rise office building in the
movie Matrix
56. Tennis shoes on a basket ball court
57. A child swinging on a rope swing as it squeezes against the branch
under the child's weight
58. A sewer worker steps down into the dark
59. The dentist pushes you back into the comfy chair
60. The condom tester finds a dud
61. Tight fitting rubber jock strap
62. Peeling an elastoplast off a wet balloon
63. One of those party favours
64. Doing the washing up with pink gloves on
65. Nancy Sinatra walking in her boots
66. Sticking down glossy photos onto card and smoothing them out
67. Scraping ice off my skis before skiing down the Matterhorn
68. The noise the skis make sliding down the Matterhorn
69. The noise I make as I fly though the air after leaving the Matterhorn
64. A rhyme for streak
65. A rhyme for antique
67. A rhyme for Mozambique
70. The noise scraping Michael off of the ice at the Matterhorn
71. The noise of the ambulance bouncing on the ice.
72. The noise of the gurney carry-ing Michael in the emergency room.
68. A rhyme for tweak your beak
69. A rhyme for critique your sneaky clique
70. The meek may utter this sound?
71. It's those floorboards again!
72. New lino being polished
73. Flossing with twine
71. It's those floorboards again!
72. New lino being polished
73. The bed next door in a motel by the freeway with the freight train
running by.
74. Wilfred having a dream (our pet hamster).
75. Cleaning bird poo off your Nissan Micra with a sponge.
76. The old desk chair.
77. My bad knee.
78. Computer Scoot.
79. A gummy baby chewing a rub-ber duck
80. A snail sliding down a post box
81. Biting into a cake made of polystyrene
82. Walking with rubber boots on a marble floor
83. 17 springs of an old mattress while making love
84. The hinges of my office door
85. Fingers on a greasy blackboard
85. A ferret down your trousers
86. Too much starch in those shirts
87. Anagram - Ska Que's
88. Acronym - Society for Ques-tionable Unlimited Exercises And Kite
89. New wind screen wipers
90. A misjudged step at a swim-ming pool
91. Wet rag on glass eyeball.
92. An elasticated stocking being rolled
93. A castrato in a lift
94. Mickey Mouse in a trap
95. The sound of my brass cowboy belt buckle as my pants hit the floor
96. A bird hitting my window at 7 a.m.
97. Un-oiled toilet lid.
98. A mouse stepped on by a terri-fied elephant.
99. An alien being serenaded by a fish.
100. Reaching one hundred and cheering with laryngitis.

List by Michael Leigh with Roger Ste-vens, John M. Bennett, Allan Revich, Bibiana Padilla Maltos, Hazel Jones, Cecil Touchon, Don Boyd, Reid Wood, Dawg and Keith Buchholz.

100 Excuses [list no.2]

100 Excuses

1. I overslept.
2. The 4.31 didn't arrive until 5.38.
3. The postman was late.
4. My leg was playing up.
5. I couldn't find the key.
6. The Duck Yellow was marked down in the sale.
7. He was looking at me in a funny way.
8. My arms dropped off in a high wind.
9. My dog ate it
10. It was those brainworms again.
11. Until you experience it, you can't understand how devastat-ing
toenail fungus is.
12. Suddenly a tower of flame erupted in front of my car . . .
13. Woolies advertised a sale and everyone in my neighbor-hood
apparently leaped into their vehicles and instantly clogged all the
streets. It was interminably slow mayhem.
14. I slipped on the cat.
15. The ice melted.
16. Did you know that just wrapping a cloth around the fork you stick in
the toaster isn't enough to prevent a shock?
17. The auguries were terrible: the grackle's liver was com-pletely yellow.
I couldn't possibly start the project under those conditions.
18. No really, the dog ate it.
19. It's only been five minutes since the last time.
20. I forgot to floss.
21. Pure spite.
22. A big chunk of Cheshire broke off and floated down the Mersey.
23. I can't spell.
24. It's Allan's fault.
25. Alzheimer's
26. I had to work.
27. I had to sleep.
28. I had to have it.
29. It's all my fault
30. It's nobody's fault
31. Nothing Special
32. God made me do it.
33. God's dog made me do it.
34. My tooth was quivering
35. The ham fell out the win-dow
36. My faucet was too shiny
37. The luggage was transpar-ent
38. The coffee had a hole in it
39. My hand was busy else-where
40. I'm not kidding, IT WAS THE DOG!
41. And the dog was drinking gin
42. And the hash stuck on the ceiling
43. And my comb got jammed in my ear.
44. I forgot.
45. I thought Allan was going to do it
46. No excuse, you screwed up plain and simple, admit it.
47. My dog ate my Blackberry and I didn't know what day it was.
48. Our fearless leader told me to go shopping, why didn't you!?
49. I had loose vowels
50. That's just silly.
51. That doesn't make sense.
52. Yes.
53. No.
54. Because.
55. God made me do it.
56. It's Hamas' fault. (para-phrasing George Bush)
57. We can do it.
58. I'm paranoid schizophrenic.
59. This joystick's broken.
60. My nail polish isn't dry.
61. I'm snowed in.
62. I can't find the snow shovel.
63. Busy harvesting icicles to use as swizzle sticks in drinks.
64. Stirring Martinis very slowly so as not to bruise the gin.
65. My bicycle is broken.
66. My ticket got eaten by a passing goat.
67. There weren't any more.
68. The old affliction returned.
69. It was easier.
70. My throat was full of dust
71. The lid was nailed down too tight
72. It was completely dark
73. The velour pillow was itchy
74. Too Busy.
75. Too Tired.
76. Too Lazy.
77. Too Bored.
78. Too High.
79. It was my evil twin
80. YOU did it
81. Mom told me to.
82. Jesus did it
83. My grandmother died.
84. She said she was eighteen.
85. The dog is dead, but he still did it.
86. I love you.
87. The bus in front of me ex-ploded.
88. Your art is joke.
89. There's no telling.
90. The square root of negative one.
91. I went to school in Olym-pia.
92. Anarcho-facism
93. I'm still looking for my snow shovel
94. Hamsters have made a home in the turn-ups of my trousers
95. I was channeling Dick Hig-gins.
96. I wish I composed Danger Music.
97. Everything is so simple.
98. Heroin.
99. Who cares?
100. I'm sorry.

Reid Wood, Miekal And, Carol Starr, Madawg, Allan Revich, John M. Bennett, Keith Buchholz, Michael Leigh, I. Sapthi, Ann Klefstad, Melissa McCarthy, Reid Wood, Bibiana Padilla Maltos, Cecil Touchon, ARC


101. No fair.
102. And the answer is.
103. Don't forget.
104. That's no excuse.
105. I have exceeded my daily quota.

100 Noises [list no.1]

100 Noises

1. the noises of the world, we cannot close our door to their reception
2. the noise of masonry settling
3. the ‘ noise’ of Twitter
4. the noise of worms wiggling
5. the noise of passing trucks on a gravel road
6. the noise of everyone else talking
7. the noise of the mob
8. the noise of something dropping
9. the noise of children laughing
10. the noise of chariots on the tops of mountains
11. the noise of a flame of fire that devours stubble
12. the noise of battle
13. the noise of great destruction
14. the noise of a security dog
15. the noise of the rain
16. the noise of rain hitting the window while in bed
17. the noise of footsteps down the corridor
18. the noise of a mixer
19. the noise of a crowded field
20. the noise of a machine
21. the noise of the boat
22. the noise of an air bag in an accident
23. the noise of aircraft overhead
24. the noise of the barbarians
25. the noise of dysfunctional family members during the holidays
26. the noise of reason
27. the noise of someone eating an apple
28. the noise of farm machinery
29. the noise of a jet taking off
30. the noise of splashes, screams and giggles
31. the "noise" of jiggling electrons
32. the noise of coughs and sneezes
33. the noise of planes, firearms, or loud music
34. the noise of the street
35. the noise of the airport
36. The noise of politics
37. the noise of banging doors
38. the noise of modernity
39. the noise of unfurled banners
40. the noise of power woodworking tools
41. the noise of helicopters and explosions
42. the noise of information overload
43. the noise of a piezoelectric ultrasonic motor operating in circular bending vibration mode
44. the noise of the background
45. the noise of a moving image
46. the noise of angel wings
47. the noise of Wall Street
48. the noise of a bolometric detector in the laboratory
49. The noise of contraction
50. the noise of the big city
51. the noise of coffee grinders
52. the noise of the rending of chains
53. the noise of war or violent revolution
54. the noise of weapons
55. the noise of the herd
56. the noise of hate
57. the noise of television and video games
58. the noise of thousands of cooling fans
59. the noise of the water coursing
60. the noise of a collision
61. the noise of paddles
62. the noise of monasteries
63. the noise of bells and drums
64. the noise of a telephone's ringer
65. the noise of talking
66. the noise of commercial airplanes as they fly over homes and neighborhoods
67. the noise of crusades, dogma
68. the noise of the horsemen and bowmen
69. the noise of theatre works
70. the noise of waves on the beach
71. the noise of surfing
72. the noise of oncoming traffic
73. the noise of circular saws
74. the noise of the freeway
75. the noise of many running horses, rushing to battle
76. The noise of fireworks
77. The noise of non-thermal photon fields
78. The noise of paper
79. The noise of the chanting
80. the noise of many, young and old, great and ruined
81. the noise of indulgence
82. the noise of thunder
83. the noise of the woods
84. the noise of a train yard
85. the noise of a subway
86. the noise of the sea
87. the noise of heavy truck traffic on a busy road
88. the noise of heavy commercial truck compression brakes
89. the noise of dishes and cutlery
90. the noise of God
91. the noise of the Stuka bombers attacking the beaches
92. the noise of crows
93. The noise of our many coexistent memories and thoughts
94. The noise of crashing pins and dropping balls
95. The noise of a Washing Machine
96. The noise of the falling stones
97. The noise of Parisian traffic
98. The noise of occasional over-imbibed bar patrons
99. The noise of a pure sine wave tone
100. The noise of nothing in your ears